Ryan Stiles Quotes

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

Two thongs don't make a right.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.

Never trust sheep.