Steve Aylett Quotes

A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.

A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something.

One thing you’ll say for skeletons, they’ll always give you a smile.

Biting enemies seems to be acceptable in a surprisingly narrow range of circumstances, or so a ninja shouted at me once

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.

The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.

We have truth in order not to die of art.

Fractal litigation, whereby the flapping of a butterfly’s wings on one side of the world resulted in a massive compensation claim on the other.

He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a goal.

Dreams always end before you kill the last person.

Sanity’s a virginity of the mind

The great thing about being ignored is that you can speak the truth with impunity.

Honesty is the voice that is acceptable in every matter.

The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

Since childhood I’d been suspected of imagination

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails

I knew books could see people around them, they ground their tiny teeth, tried to rattle like windows, stories to tell.

A key and a strangler - this is all a simple tale requires.

A society will manufacture an image of progress and locate it in the direction it wishes to take us.

Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I'm lying down and horizontally if I'm running

Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot

An office is a machine for dying.

Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree.

The law is where reality goes to die.

Let us forget the past - this is the only way to be genuinely surprised.

Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America.

One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of God's existence.

How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?

The best way of getting into something is to think of it as mischief.

In books there's nothing of the fish covered in the coldness of the sea, or the feeling of a star touching space. Bad for business.

Most books are so well written they barely have any effect on the reader's senses

Originality irritates so obscurely that people may have to evolve to scratch it.

He had long been curious at leaders intermittent calls for a return to past values and had tested the notion by trying to build a house from the sky downwards

I crept in to find my father with pennies on his eyes - and looking closer I saw they were made of foil-covered chocolate. Of course I stole and ate them. Magical guilt? Tell me about it

a story is ready when it falls from your face

Used a replica gun to steal a replica sportscar and experienced a replica of remorse

Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I’m lying down and horizontally if I’m running

Most books are so well written they barely have any effect on the reader’s senses