Steve Martin Quotes

I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period.

I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.

I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point.

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

I don't really manage my time. I really just wait until I'm inspired to do something. And when I'm inspired to do something, it just happens.

I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct.

Comedy makes you humble. Because there are so many opportunities to miss, and strike out.

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey

He never complicates a desire by overthinking it, unlike Mirabelle, who spins a cocoon around an idea until it is immobile.

I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.

There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.

No art comes from the conscious mind.

I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?

Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do.

Home to me is when someone comes up to me and says, "Can I get a selfie?" No. It's where your wife and your family are. It's the emotional place where you feel like you're not away from it.

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

It [live performance] is just very difficult. Doing an hour, hour and a half of live standup is an endurance test. You almost have to do it every day to stay up on it.

If you feel tired midway through, give Neil Patrick Harris a Red Bull and throw some sheet music at him.

If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond.

Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, "This is only published because he's a celebrity."

Rebelliousness really is the province of young people-that kind of iconoclasm.

You cannot make your opportunities concur with the opportunities of people whose incomes are ten times greater than yours.

There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling.

I was very vulnerable to criticism for many years. I could read a bad review and remember it my whole life.

she is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

I am a wild and crazy guy!

College totally changed my life. It changed what I believe and what I think about everything. I majored in philosophy.

I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.

A day with out sun shine is like..........night

With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it's going to work. And then you get the response. It's great when it's good.

...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.

I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.

Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.

It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.

I think communication is so firsbern.

I don't think comic timing is the same as music timing, but I definitely find that I've learned from just writing in general that songs can be narrative without having a story.

Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

The thing about the banjo is when you first hear it, it strikes many people as what's that? There's something very compelling about it to certain people.

Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.

When you're reaching for a star, there's a long way to fall.

Acting keeps me alert to people, and life. I don't know, there's something about going to work early in the morning, and having to stay alert and concentrated. Maybe that keeps your mind alive.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

The course was more plodding than heroic: I did not strive valiantly against doubters but took incremental steps studded with a few intuitive leaps.

What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny.