Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards! Quotes

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.

Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does?

Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time.

... a metaphor ... is like lying but more decorative.

But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir, ’ said Carrot‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’‘Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.

You're saying, ' he said, weighing each word, 'that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle.