Terry Pratchett Quotes
It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.
Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!" "Can't we do anything about it?" "No!" "Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people.
Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
They looked at one another in incomprehension, two minds driving opposite ways up a narrow street and waiting for the other man to reverse first.
Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.
Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.
Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise.
Rincewind tried to force the memory out of his mind, but it was rather enjoying itself there, terrorizing the other occupants and kicking over the furniture.
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
Heaven has no taste." "Now-" "And not one single sushi restaurant." A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.
If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!
The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.
Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'
The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind. "Ah," said Eric, "Good." "No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement." "Oh.
Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.
Oh, a very useful philosophical animal, your average tortoise. Outrunning metaphorical arrows, beating hares in races... very handy.
The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.
Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.
Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
Let grammar, punctuation, and spelling into your life! Even the most energetic and wonderful mess has to be turned into sentences.
Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.
No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect.
I once absent-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.
If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.
And we don't often get any wading birds in the River Ankh, mainly because the pollution would eat their legs away and anyway, it's easier for them to walk on the surface.
Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them.
The conflict is not between Christianity and Islam or between East and West - instead, it is between stupid people and other stupid people.
Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.
I’m a witch. It’s what we do. When it’s nobody else’s business, it’s my business.
I've never really liked the Yanks. ... You can't trust people who pick up the ball all the time when they play football.
'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.
Everything makes sense a bit at a time. But when you try to think of it all at once, it comes out wrong.