Terry Pratchett Quotes

The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication.

Everything makes sense a bit at a time. But when you try to think of it all at once, it comes out wrong.

You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was, ‘But we’ve always done it this way.’ A million dead people can’t have been wrong, can they?

So much paperwork to read! So much paperwork to push away! So much paperwork to pretend he hadn't received and that might have been eaten by gargoyles.

'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it.

Ultimately, there is the freedom to take the consequences.

When you look into the abyss, it’s not supposed to wave back.

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly. When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting.

The world is a globe — the farther you sail, the closer to home you are.

Needless to say, they refused to submit to the Empire, conducting such a persistent guerrilla war that the Romans gave up hope of conquering Scotland, and the Wee Free Men remained both wee and free.

Sooner or later we're all someone's dog.

Demons were like genies or philosophy professors - if you didn't word things exactly right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate and completely misleading answers.

The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find.

As they say in Discworld, we are trying to unravel the Mighty Infinite using a language which was designed to tell one another where the fresh fruit was.

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can.

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.

The fastest way to travel is to be there already.

It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question.

She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.

'Don't think of it as dying,' said Death. 'Just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.'

You can't inspire people with facts. They need a cause. They need a symbol.

"And what would humans be without love?" Rare, said Death.

Things have no power that humans don't put there.

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out," said the shopkeeper. "That's what I've always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

The price of being the best is having to be the best.

Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.

Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along.

Ingenuity and incongruity always cheer me up.

Most modern fantasy just rearranges the furniture in Tolkien's attic.

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down.

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.

Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.