Terry Pratchett Quotes

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.

Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.

And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down.

They say that the eyes of some paintings can follow you around the room, a fact that I doubt, but I am wondering whether some music can follow you for ever.

Imagination, not intelligence, made us human.

Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal.... The natural size of a coven is one. Witches only get together when they can't avoid it.

There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write.

Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.

A good man will kill you with hardly a word.

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend.

It doesn't matter how you live and die, it's how the bards wrote it down.

Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome.

What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man?

In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language.

The jurisdiction of a good man extends to the end of the world.

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

But here's some advice, boy. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.

Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat.

Your whole life passes in front of your eyes before you die. This is called living.

Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.

I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.

It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest ... because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.

Logic is a wonderful thing but doesn't always beat actual thought.

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?' If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

At least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe.

Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple corer.

My idea of a good novel was one you made enough money out of to buy a greenhouse.

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, "Well, isn't this nice.

Real education happens when you pick up a fact here, and another fact there, and put them together and get an insight.

I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat. -Lord Vetinari

And never resist a perfect moment.

One person is nothing. Two people are a nation.

The best thing I ever did with my life was stand up and say I've got Alzheimer's.

Give anyone a lever long enough and they can change the world. It's unreliable levers that are the problem.

It occurred to me that at one point it was like I had two diseases - one was Alzheimers, and the other was knowing I had Alzheimers.

The power of prayer and faith can heal and bring happiness. The real tragedy is that the people that are helped by this don't realize that this power is really coming from within.

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?" "What?" "Oh, you'd like something simpler?

If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.

Freedom without limits is just a word.

I just rearrange words into a pleasing order for money.

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.