Tina Fey Quotes

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.

I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.

I don't enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don't have that kind of 'I love the bad guys' thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.

It's harder to make something good when you can't curse all the time.

When I was going to school in, like, '84 to '88, you didn't have cell phones. There was no e-mail, if you can wrap your brain around that.

I didn't get on TV until I was 30, which is really fortunate because you are who you are at that point.

You don't just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at 'SNL' is writing to go after someone.

Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury.

Your initiations are worthwhile.

You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.

Finally the world would see my full range of comedy characters - from grouchy librarian to Russian librarian.

It's like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific.

Sometimes I'll be telling my husband, 'I think I'm cracking up'. Sometimes you just need a minute to say, 'I think I'm cracking' and just acknowledge it.

I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this mentally challenged guy!

When I first set out to ruin SNL, I didn't think anyone would notice, but I persevered because - like you trying to do a nine-piece jigsaw puzzle - it was a labour of love.

This requires a level of delusion/egomania usually reserved for popes and drag queens

The topic of working moms is a tap-dance recital in a minefield.

It doesn't matter if it's a school play or a dumb TV show. It's your work. You should care about it so much that people get annoyed with you.

Your characters should be as smart as you are, if not smarter.

Life is improvisation. All of those [improv] classes were like church to me. The training had seeped into me and changed who I am.

I really admire stand-up, and I think I would have loved to learn how to do it. I think it's terrifying and thrilling. A really cool thing to do. It's a dying art, in a way.

I have two daughters, and we live here in Manhattan, and having gone through the Manhattan kindergarten application process, nothing will ever rival the stress of that.

Steve Carell's Foxcatcher look took two hours to put on, including his hairstyling and make up. Just for comparison, it took me three hours today to prepare for my role as "human woman".

North Korea threatened to attack if Sony Pictures released The Interview, forcing us all to pretend that we wanted to see it.

The first time I went to see a Second City show, I was in awe of everything. I just wanted to touch the same stage that Gilda Radner had walked on. It was sacred ground.

...the music seems creepy, like when children sing in a horror movie

I don't like my feet. I'm not crazy about anybody's feet. But I have flat feet.

I'm married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.

Twitter seems like a busman's holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I'll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I'm old-fashioned that way.

I'm a big fan of 'The Office,' both the British and the American versions.

I was a very confident little kid.

Pentagon records show that at least 8,000 members of the all-volunteer U.S. Army have deserted since the Iraq war began. Hey, at least somebody has an exit strategy.

I want to spend time with Oprah and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.

It's hard to get laughs when you're new.

At some point, you realize that people might be laughing at your jokes because they're afraid not to laugh.

It's easy to fall into the trap of just cranking out things that are good enough to sell.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh.

30 Rock is a little different from other current sitcoms, in that it's fast-paced, but the pace comes from the actors, not the editing.

When you go into something where you can really trust that everyone has thought about it, more than you have even, then that's like a gift.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

Most of my work is done before we start shooting, preparation work, so my normal day begins when I start writing, it might even be the night before.

Every day I wrote in my journal: "How am I going to win today?" So that when the guys are talking about water-boarding I'm telling them they haven't even got the right towels.

I'm such a fan of Lily's [Tomlin], for so many years. I feel like Lily was the first popular mainstream crossover comedian who also was kind of an overtly feminist comedian.

I went to the University of Virginia and I came from, I grew up in suburban Philadelphia.

My parents are very well-behaved. If anything, if my Mom were here right now, she would hug and kiss every one of you hello, and then she would feed you.

If you care about [the characters] as if they were real, that always helps.