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Tom Lehrer Quotes

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Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department."

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!




Tom Lehrer Quotes: "If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here"

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up."

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.




Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize."

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years."

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.




Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity."

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet."

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while."

If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Irreverence is easy - whats hard is wit."

Irreverence is easy - whats hard is wit.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you."

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.




Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it."

Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them."

I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up."

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way."

Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews."

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs."

Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers."

If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now it's been quoted and quoted, and therefore misquoted."

I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now it's been quoted and quoted, and therefore misquoted.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people."

The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines."

They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be."

The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer."

But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability."

The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "On Christmas day you can't get sore, your fellow man you must adore. There's time to cheat him all the more the other three hundred and sixty-four"

On Christmas day you can't get sore, your fellow man you must adore. There's time to cheat him all the more the other three hundred and sixty-four



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it . . . research."

In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it . . . research.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!"

When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "People are stupider than anybody."

People are stupider than anybody.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery."

I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!"

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear."

I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?"

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I don't have the temperament of a performer, and I certainly couldn't do it every night."

I don't have the temperament of a performer, and I certainly couldn't do it every night.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!"

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers."

Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene-or, as they say in New York, sophisticated."

I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene-or, as they say in New York, sophisticated.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango."

You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "I'm very proud of myself on my, whatever the literacy is, I'm pretentious, totally pretentious. I like to say 'hmm', for example."

I'm very proud of myself on my, whatever the literacy is, I'm pretentious, totally pretentious. I like to say 'hmm', for example.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh."

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home."

Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!"

Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "If I see a movie star in the department store buying something, I'll kind of sidle up and see what they're saying, what they look like, how they sound. That's an invasion of privacy."

If I see a movie star in the department store buying something, I'll kind of sidle up and see what they're saying, what they look like, how they sound. That's an invasion of privacy.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares."

We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow."

There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer."

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant."

No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant.



Tom Lehrer Quotes: "The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's American as apple pie."

The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's American as apple pie.