Tucker Max Quotes

I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.

In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.

Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.

I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.

Failure instructs, failure improves. Failure shouldn't deter you.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.

Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.

Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)

Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.

I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.

My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.

Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.

You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.

Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none.

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.

Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want

I've never really had a media edifice supporting me.

Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.

Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.

Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.

My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?

Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.

The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.

You can't do anything yourself on TV... unless you have a LOT of money, but you can do an independent movie.

Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.

General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.

We can't get kicked out of McDonald's! This is like the DMZ of drunk eating.

Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

Fat girls aren’t real people.

Opinions are projections.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.

I never felt pressured to create more stories, but dealing with people became really aggravating.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job.

If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.

I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.

Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future.