Ty Burr Quotes

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I live my life as I deem appropriate and fitting; I offer no apologies, no explanations.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

A dynamic praying church must be built from the inside out, employing all four levels of prayer: the secret closet, the family altar, small group praying and finally, the congregational setting.

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

Deny your emotions and act like you have answers

I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.

I don't feel like it's a wasted vote because I think it encourages more people like that to run. I vote for the candidates that aren't bought and paid for like the Clintons.

Never do today what you can do tomorrow, because something may occur to make you regret your premature action.

A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they're really small.

There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio - I don't know that guy.

The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.

Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?

I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.

Try and live your life the way you wish other people would live theirs.

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.

Business runs hot and cold so the more you're in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are.

There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.

Error often is to be preferred to indecision.

You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.

The rule of my life is to make business a pleasure, and pleasure my business.

Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.

I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time.

I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?

I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.

Increased funding for the Weatherization Assistance Program is a priority for the Bush Administration, and I am pleased that many families in North Carolina will benefit from this increase.

I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.

It is critical that we have a comprehensive energy plan to provide affordable and reliable supplies of energy so that our economy will not be dependent on foreign sources of energy.

You wanna know how you know you're informed as a protestor? They don't show your interview on TV.

I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.

Law is whatever is boldly asserted and plausibly maintained.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in.

Podcasting is great. Total freedom.

Ric Flair is the greatest guy ever. He just wants to hang out, have a beer, and tell stories. He's the coolest. I've never met The Rock though.

If this goes into sweatshop labor, I'm quitting this podcast.

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... 'The Thing That Shouldn't Be'. 'The Chair That Wasn't There', you know?

Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.