Wanda Sykes Quotes

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

If you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.

You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fatal disease. The goal is to treat the symptoms so you can comfortably live with the illness.

With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

Mostly everything gets worse before it gets better.

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.

What gets me is when celebrities aren't allowed to have an opinion on anything political. There's the whole 'Shut up and sing' thing.

It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.

Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

We never hid anything from the kids. I feel whole again, I really do. I've told them, 'Mommy's boo-boo is much better now.'

I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida... Good grief... Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.

When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.

It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.

Since when did I become the spokesperson for nappy-headed hos?

I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.

I always had one goal, and that was to be a real funny stand-up comic, and that's pretty much what I'm doing. And everything else is kind of like gravy - TV, movies.

We got to stop doing that, ladies. You know, men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.

I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic.

In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.

All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on.

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail one day and say, 'Aw, sh - , I'm secretary of state next month.

I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am.

I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.