Will Advise, Nothing Is Here... Quotes
Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go.
I don't sleep. I just let my body lie itself into numbness and lie to myself that I can't hear, see, or feel anything.
People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren’t human.
Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.
Fluttershyes are like regular shyes, only shinier, and, apparently - also shyer. Whenever petted - they don't flutter, but run away instead.
If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he'd stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do.
I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet.
Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can...
If I were offering hip replacement services I'd use Jarod Kintz as my spokesman. No one can possibly be better than him, to replace the missing spoke in your wheels.
I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?
Everything is like a wall. Said a scholar to the troll. Bang your head to go on through. Then you'll see, there is no queue.
The best Christmas present you can give to your dead grandfather is not showing up until Easter. And telling no one about it. Especially not yourself.
#Cats are marvelous creatures - they either adapt to circumstances, or decide to make circumstances adapt to them. Either way - they win.
When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any.
Why work today? I'll take Tuesday on, just like I took Monday off. That's just the kind of dedicated worker I am.
Why just order a pizza, when you can get a restraining order for the delivery guys, make them come to you, sue them, and get all the profit?
I sometimes go to a mythical place called "workplace", where the doable is always unpassable as possible, especially when it pisses you off.
I'll catch any rose in my vase-shaped heart, then process it through my vascular system, until there's nothing left.
If I did sales - my technique would be to hand-seal each deal with gourmet omelets, by Jarod Kintz's secret invisible recipe that I stole.
Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie.
My grandpa, unlike Jarod Kintz, was an Elder. Now that he's dead and gone, he's a ghost French wizard. And no one knows what French wizards are good at…
The NSA may, or may not have rejected the invisible secret operative application form I never even bothered to have sent over to them. I'll never know...
A relationship is a process. If you have nothing to learn - you have a slave to teach. 's why schools are effective.
The only way to efficiently battle evil is to copy enough to know how to counter each argument, yet not enough to believe all the bullshit.
I think she's too single for me, and she thinks I'm with two other people. She also thinks she thinks, I think.
Some people are so much heaven to the square inch that life is simply hell, when she leaves you in order to go south for the winter. (Yes, women are people too, sometimes even threee.)
IQ's are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn't, because the line is invisible.
Silence is the invisibility of talking. I'd take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I'd take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it's Tuesday.
When Jarod Kintz gets married, I want to wear his grandpa to the ceremony, telling everyone we're Siamese twins from the future-past. Meow.
To fall in love twice, with the same person, you need to grow another heart. That's all I do in my secret underground laboratory at night...
The way to be invisible - is to truly be imaginary. But since you cannot imagine yourself, you have to clone your imagination into being an image of yourself. Imagine that.
As an evil cultist, I make an excellent evil cultist. Only I'm stupid, and not evil. And I worship nothing, really.
Meanings with no purpose are useful for meaningless debates on what the "meaner" meant. And that's what #politics is all about - misreading.
The more you believe, the more you'll be leaving you, when what you believed turns out to be just lies. Or unjust lies. Or any lies, anyway.
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life.
I fake fake to have a fake life. Does that make me a real horse? Buy now for $777, wooden saddle sold separately. Real horseshoes not included. Imaginary ones – neither.
Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted.
Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping.
Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don’t even ask.