Will Advise Quotes
Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.
If I were offering hip replacement services I'd use Jarod Kintz as my spokesman. No one can possibly be better than him, to replace the missing spoke in your wheels.
Prosperity is always built on slave labor. Ask any Ameri-can't. Or Bulgari-can. Yes, we can, eat from a trash can...
I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet.
If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he'd stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do.
Fluttershyes are like regular shyes, only shinier, and, apparently - also shyer. Whenever petted - they don't flutter, but run away instead.
Backpackers can pack much more meows than baggers. Beggars never feed stray cats as street cats are self-sustaining.
People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren’t human.
I don't sleep. I just let my body lie itself into numbness and lie to myself that I can't hear, see, or feel anything.
Everything is like a wall. Said a scholar to the troll. Bang your head to go on through. Then you'll see, there is no queue.
Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don’t even ask.
Wasting time on timing stuff is a good way to save time from being wasted on other pointless activities like writing, reading, and sleeping.
Translating from #cat is easy - you just ignore everything, then you decide what you want it to have said, thought, or wanted.
Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie.
All my friends are bums. We all gather round our camp-fire (in a can) and sing songs of togetherness as we cuddle, to preserve our warmth...
If I did sales - my technique would be to hand-seal each deal with gourmet omelets, by Jarod Kintz's secret invisible recipe that I stole.
I'll catch any rose in my vase-shaped heart, then process it through my vascular system, until there's nothing left.
I sometimes go to a mythical place called "workplace", where the doable is always unpassable as possible, especially when it pisses you off.
Why just order a pizza, when you can get a restraining order for the delivery guys, make them come to you, sue them, and get all the profit?
Why work today? I'll take Tuesday on, just like I took Monday off. That's just the kind of dedicated worker I am.
When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any.
#Cats are marvelous creatures - they either adapt to circumstances, or decide to make circumstances adapt to them. Either way - they win.
The best Christmas present you can give to your dead grandfather is not showing up until Easter. And telling no one about it. Especially not yourself.
Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go.
I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?
IQ's are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn't, because the line is invisible.
What's writ is what's read, yet the meaning is gone, since context is what gives each quote its own home.
Some people are so much heaven to the square inch that life is simply hell, when she leaves you in order to go south for the winter. (Yes, women are people too, sometimes even threee.)