Will Rogers Quotes
We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces?
Wine had such ill effects on Noah's health that it was all he could do to live 950 years. Show me a total abstainer that ever lived that long.
They used to take your horse and if they were caught they got hung for it. Now they take your car, and if they are caught it's a miracle.
The Senate just sits and waits till they find out what the president wants, so they know how to vote against him.
Funny to watch these Senators switching back and forth on Prohibition. Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day.
The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.
With all our crime and all our immorality ... and about as much contentment and respose as a fresh-caged hyena, we go to tell the whole world: we are the only one with the right idea!
The government says they have loaned over One Billion dollars to the Farmers. In other words, we can't help you make any money, but we will show you where you can owe some more.
It rained in the Middle West. Farmers are learning that the relief they get from the sky beats what they get from Washington.
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
The farmers can be thankful. Didn't the Farm Board decide in Washington last week that they could have cheaper interest? All the farmers have to do now is to find something new to put up as security.
If everybody (traded his car for a horse) they would be out of debt in a couple of years. Just think, no gas, no tires, no roads to pay for.
We are sure living in a peculiar time. You get morefor not working than you will for working, and morefor not raising a hog than for raising it.
There is a horse here-the furthest north of any horse, and he eats fish and travels on snowshoes.
Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.
Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt.
In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough.
Coolidge is a better example of evolution than either Bryan or Darrow, for he knows when not to talk, which is the biggest asset the monkey possesses over the human.
In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
One thing I will say about the Germans, they are always perfectly willing to give somebody's land to somebody else
This session of Congress is also to relieve the farmer again, relieve him of any encouragement that he might have received during the last one.
The president says, 'There is lots of people worse off than the Farmers.' I don't know who it could be unless it is the fellow who holds the Mortgages on the Farms.
On prohibiting anybody from learning anything: Why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
When you figure it right down, none of us are in a really essential business but the farmer, and he raises so much that even his business is partly non-essential.
Fanatical religion driven to a certain point is almost as bad as none at all, but not quite.
Rotation of crops and less automobiles will relieve the farmers whenever they decide to try it.
Congress knew Coolidge would veto the farm bill. There was more politics than relief in that bill.
It looks to me like the candidates are trying to relieve the farmer of his vote, instead of his debts.
Wish all the Farmers would move to town one year, that's the only way I know to clear the thing up.
I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.
Hundreds and hundreds of beautiful horses in the parade and a man without a silver saddle is a vagrant.
Every time somebody has thought of relief for the farmer it has been to make it so he could borrow more money. What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more.
Don't raise anything, except what fits your appetite. Then the price don't worry you. Just raise all you can eat and let the low prices go by.
What the Secretary of Agriculture is trying to do is to teach the farmer corn acreage control, and the hogs birth control, and one is just as hard to make understand it as the other.
Legalize racing in every State. Sure people will bet, but they get to see the horses run and you certain can't see General Motors and General Electric and General Utility run when you bet on them.
Say, did you read what this writer just dug up in George Washington's diary? I was so ashamed I sat up all night reading it.
