Will Rogers Quotes

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.

Man's inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively.

The church is not the way to heaven; the church is the sign that points to heaven.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

I am increasingly an architect of self. I am free to will and choose. I can, through accepting my individuality... become more of my uniqueness, more of my potentiality.

Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.

Until we meet again, may the good Lord take a liking to you.

It is more important to influence people than to impress them.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

The only way to enjoy anything in this life is to earn it first.

I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.

Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

If I put things between me and Christ, it is idolatry. If I put Christ between me and things, it is victory!

Faith believes in spite of the circumstances and acts in spite of the consequences.

Indeed, your scars may be your greatest ministry. Just as the scars of Jesus convinced Thomas, perhaps your scars will convince someone today.

I’m a nobody telling everybody about Somebody who can save anybody.

Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

Holiness is not the way to Christ. Christ is the way to holiness.

My forefathers didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they met the boat.

The Church is not a showboat; it's a battleship.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

If your religion has not changed your life, youd better change your religion.

When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction.

Death is just a comma to a Christian, not a period.

I stare out the window and wait for spring.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

Joy seems to me a step beyond happiness- happiness is a sort of atmosphere you can live in sometimes when you're lucky. Joy is a light that fills you with hope and faith and love.

The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.

A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.

Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.

You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one

If you want people to know what your message is, just sing it.

Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else.

Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me.

Christianity is not a cafeteria line where you say, “I’ll have a little salvation, but no Lordship right now.

Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.

You don't make Him Lord. He's Lord already. You just recognize it.

Powerful is our need to be known, really known by ourselves and others, even if only for a moment.

It’s what you sow that multiplies, not what you keep in the barn.

When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.