Will Rogers Quotes
The good old horse-and-buggy days: then you lived until you died and not until you were run over.
Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.
Real estate is the best investment in the world because it is the only thing they're not making any more.
I go too fast to see much, only the tops of everything. I've got to prowl slow some time through this country.
I guess there is no two races of people in worse repute with everybody than the international bankers, and the folks that put all those pins in new shirts.
... while the Republicans are smart enough to make money, the Democrats are smart enough to get in office every two or three times a century and take it away from 'em.
If any of us had a child that we thought was as bad as we know we are, we would have cause to start to worry.
We will never get anywhere with our finances till we pass a law saying...every time we appropriate something, we...pass another bill...stating where the money is coming from.
The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it.
Believe in something for another world, but don't be too set on what it is, and then you won't start out that life with a disappontment. Live your life so that whenever you lose you are ahead.
President Coolidge said, 'I don't want the Government to go into business.' Well, if I was Mr. Coolidge I wouldn't worry over that. The Government never has been accused of being a business man.
I see where they are going to be more strict with these robbers; when they catch 'em from now on, they're going to publish their names.
Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.
Mothers are the only race of people that speak the same tongue. A mother in Manchuria could converse with a mother in Nebraska and never miss a word.
If a man ain't nothin' else, then he's an artist. It's the only thing he can claim to be that nobody can prove he ain't.
In Washington, one man could do what ten of them do. Things kinder run themselves, anyhow.
The bankers just got a good cussing by everybody for loaning too much money. Well, they got some awful nice buildings. So when a banker fails, he fails in splendor.
Banking and after-dinner speaking are two of the most nonessential industries we have in this country. I am ready to reform, if they are.
Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.
They are voting whether to keep a governor two years or four. I think a good, honest governor should get four years, and the others life.
When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like."
Harvard students have completed more English courses and less forward passes than any school in this generation.
If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.
I bet any Sunday could be made as popular at church as Easter is if you made 'em fashion shows too. The audience is so busy looking at each other that the preacher just as well recite Gunga Din.
You can take any line of business and skill and the ones who do it the best are the ones who get the most money for it.
Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is a railroad timetable.
Prosperity this Winter is going to be enjoyed by everybody that is fortunate enough to get into the poor farm.
If we could just go back the last two or three years and do our buying a little more carefully, why... we would be O.K.
I bet you, if I had met Trotsky, and had had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I have never yet met a man I didn't like.
Out here I had been putting what little money I had in Ocean Frontage, for the sole reason that there was only so much of it and no more, and that they wasent making any more.
And if you call one a real estate agent and he won't sell you anything. He is a REALATOR. It's the same as what the old fashioned real estate agent used to be only the commission is different.
Well, the disarmament conference is off to a flying start. There is nothing to prevent their succeeding now but human nature.
Every land or property owner in America would be tickled to death to pay 45 per cent of his profits, if he didn't have to pay anything if he didn't make it.
When you are satisfied, you are successful. For that's all there is to success is satisfaction.
There wasn't any more truth in over half of what any so-called orator said. If it wasn't a Deliberate Lie, why it was an Exaggerated Falsehood.
A debt is just as hard for a Government to pay as it is for an individual. No debt ever comes due at a good time. Borrowing is the only thing that seems handy all the time.
The public perceives there are problems with the water system, and with the efficiency of the system. We need some leadership and to provide expertise in the area of efficiency.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like.