Zach Braff Quotes

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?

I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture

I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

I'm sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it's all going according to plan and some weeks where you're super frustrated.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he's so great how come he can't see? I mean, God doesn't make mistakes, just look at me for example.

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?

I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.

I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.

What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Hitler was about population control.

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?

I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.

Probably the most memorable even of my life is when I was born. It really made me who I am. If I die, I hope to go out the same way I came in, but I don't think my mother would be into that.

The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.

I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.

Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'

I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.

Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something.

I always wanted to direct movies. That's what I set out to do. When I was a little kid I just dreamed of making movies, and I went to film school [at Northwestern University].

I'm a film geek man. I love toys. I love everything in filmmaking, so for me to just be around this technology is just so cool to watch it being used for the first time, some of the stuff.

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff

The fact that 'Scrubs' is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I'm helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.

The Jews are just clumsy bakers.

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.