Zach Braff Quotes

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn't send me here just once.

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist

It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!

I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.

I think the Bible should be re-written for today's society. We can call it 'Scrubs.'

I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.

I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.

If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

I blame Walt Disney; well he has to find voice actors better than me somehow doesn't he?

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world.

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.

I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

I had a very funny family.

She can't say no if she's unconscious.

If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind's competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better.

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

I don't think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.

A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.

I can't say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.

Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn't say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn't the one who got shot.

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.

I'm always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be?

I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?

Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that's real power.

It's a give and take relationship with my fans. They give me love and adoration, and I take it from them.

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

I went to film school and wanted to learn everything there was about making movies.

I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do

I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore.

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.

Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

I don't think it's a black and white issue. If a man's family is starving so to speak, I don't think I'll hold it against him for stealing a loaf of bread.

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.

My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.