Zach Braff Quotes

Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?

I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture

I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

I'm sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it's all going according to plan and some weeks where you're super frustrated.

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he's so great how come he can't see? I mean, God doesn't make mistakes, just look at me for example.

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?

I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.

My favorite meal? It has to be furburgers everyday in the morning.

After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins

Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.

Actually when I gave out the script, I gave it with a CD of all the music I wanted to put in the movie, and again, we never thought we'd get all that music.

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

I was inspired by World Vision. It's almost like I sponsored (Donald) Faison and gave him an opportunity to do something with his life. What more would he want than to work with me?

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I'm a doctor on TV. I'm also a real doctor. But I'm also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.

The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

I'm 26 years old, and I've spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I'm going to try to live my life like that.

If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.

I want to take piano lessons, I want to study at university, I want to travel, I want to do other parts, make another movie.

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

I said, I'm on this TV show and I love doing it, but I don't want to be known always as the silly "Scrubs" guy... So part of me was like, You know what? Life's short. Let's go for it.

I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.

I have no desire to make money off musicians. I just want to promote them because I want to share music.

I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away.

Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

Im just not really attracted to black chicks.

I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful