Closures Quotes

Closures Quote of the day

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.

Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.

I thank you for not snoring.

It is almost impossible to find those who admire us entirely lacking in taste.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

It is always dullest before the yawn.

I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion I think it must be gratitude.

Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him.

I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.

Let's face it some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

I love a finished speaker I really truly do. I don't mean one who's polished I just mean one who's through.

Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.

I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them.

I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted I beg his pardon.

If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.

Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.

Another fine mess you've got us in Stanley.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means "I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.

One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today but you will be a great deal older.

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.

Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.

The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.

Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.

I've been here so long . . . when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick yet.

I forgot they were talking about me. They sound so wonderfully convincing.

I explained to him I had simple tastes and didn't want anything ostentatious no matter what it costs.

I really don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I want to thank everybody who made this day necessary.