Comedy Quotes

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

It's funny with jeans now, because if they don't feel like a pair of sweatpants, I don't have patience for them anymore! I think I'm becoming increasingly lazy.

I'd never been a good damsel in distress. I was a "hands-on" damsel.

Comedy, we may say, is society protecting itself - with a smile.

Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more.

We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

I see parody as another form of comedy.

It was funny to just take a backseat and be like, 'Wow, I might be in this crazy place, but maybe I don't need to understand everything, maybe I don't need to be someone else.'

Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?

It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives, but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.

I really think everything is fair game.

Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say.

Name 12 players better than me.

As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a sprint, it gets a little easier.

When I first started doing comedy, there was no such thing as a room that had black people and white people in it. That didn't exist.

It's a very tough time for the playwright. Broadway has become almost a musical comedy theme park with all these long-running shows.

My style of comedy is very real and bittersweet, and sort of always on the verge of kind of being tragic.

It seemed funny that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

I hate being mean. I watch those roasts on Comedy Central and they make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and which bits are funny and which bits need to be fixed.

I don't do comedy. I think if a situation is funny you just play it for real and if it's funny, it's funny.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.

I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there." It drives me crazy.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.

Anyone watching '30 Rock' always knew Tina Fey was playing a fictionalized version of herself, a workaholic comedy writer who also plays one on TV. She's the boss; Liz Lemon just works here.

Oh, to be seventy again!

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

What do gardeners do when they retire?

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy.

People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.

I have a lot more fun making comedies because there's a levity on the set, and I find it difficult to go to work and, you know, cry for 12 hours.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

The person I have admired the most in comedy terms would be Eric Morecambe, who is my total hero.

Tragedy is what happens to me; comedy is what happens to you.

I love doing comedy and I love watching comedy... Im more inclined to go watch a Seth Rogen film than a serious Oscar drama.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Art must always remain earnest... Art must be serious, no sarcasm, comedy. One does not laugh at a loved one.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.