Comedy Quotes

A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.

Nothing kills a party like an oversize metal hedgehog.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

Scrawny? Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby.

The duty of comedy is to correct men by amusing them.

To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. - Voltaire Do be do be do.

As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.

Things looked funny because my pictures depend on an emotional state... I know this is true and I thought about this for a long time. Somehow it made me feel very, very good.

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy. To be alive means to have a sense of humor.

Your insecurity and neediness is what makes you a big neurotic ball of comedy genius.

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

I could keep trying to do the same kind of comedies. You know how it's going to go, and you can get an audience with it, but then I feel like a hamster on a wheel.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

I don't accept flowers. I take nothing perishable.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

"Transparent" is a drama slash comedy series that could, in theory, make the Emmy nominations next year in either of those categories - it's that good.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in.

Of course, the surest way to free yourself from an existential crisis is through comedy.

I've always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy.

...that is the best-to laugh with someone because you both think the same things are funny.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling

The cleverest character in comedy is the clown, for he who would make people take him for a fool, must not be one.

I was depressed as a child. I found it hard to make friends. My favourite thing was locking myself in the bathroom and practising comedy routines.

I'm not at all funny. I can do dark comedy pretty well, but straight-up comedy, I don't know. I'm much darker. I've been like that since I was 3 years old

It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.

Never miss a party...good for the nerves--like celery.

I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.

Restaurants are minefields for the socially inept

I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.

Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.

My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.

I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones.

I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from today's trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia?

I'm no expert, Rock, but I don't think I have any poontang...to give you.

Got a proper job at 28. Gave it up to try comedy at 38. Decided to get fit and healthy at 48. It's never too late. But do it now

Everybody understands a slap in the face. In Japan, Belgium, or America, a punch is a punch. Comedy will be different in Europe or America or Japan, so my movies are very international.

Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.

Most of my comedy writing happens through improvisation on stage; doing it in the moment.

What's funny is my husband doesn't have any tattoos at all, so he must be the very conservative one.

It’s funny, but I was just thinking I wouldn’t mind a repeat of that boring evening when we elapsed to 1953,” said Gideon. “Just you and me and Cousin Sofa.

Comedy keeps the heart sweet.

We grow neither better or worse as we get old, but more like ourselves.

Journalism is straying into entertainment. The lines between serious news segments, news entertainment, and news comedy are blurring.