Comedy Quotes

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

There are tons of things I'd love to do. I want to do comedy. It's not that I don't want to play a superhero, but I got to play Conan and Drogo.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it.

LORD ILLINGWORTH: The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life. MRS ALLONBY: And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy.

Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.

Me and my roommate wrote and directed a little short comedy called 'The Elevator.

Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Wrestling was like stand-up comedy for me.

I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this.

Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything.

I wouldn't mind having another shot at doing comedy, but I'm not sure that's the way I'd want to go.

Comedy is incredibly hard. You have to be loose. You have to be not afraid to fail.

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

Discussion in America means dissent.

I feel that a lot of British comedy is often too bombastic, too obvious, dressing up and shouting and pulling funny faces.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

I love romantic comedies. I like to watch them and I like to be in them.

I never go about a new project as if I'm trying ot redefine myself. I just like to work, and I'm excited by material I find challenging and - if it's a comedy - exceptionally funny.

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.

Funny thing about Americans. They are the first to adopt weird lifestyles and radical views but they are the most conservative race on earth.

There's a lot of comedy in Intermission but it's got this depth. It's not comedy for comedy's sake - it's informed by something else. I like stuff like that

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

They stayed away in droves.

Ball-tampering. There, I've said it. Things that shouldn't be said: the judge in the Saddam trial appears to be wearing comedy specs and moustache.

It's funny - if you impersonate somebody, they have no idea it's them.

Comedy will always be central to what I do, it's just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always have been.

I find painting a much slower process than comedy, where you can go a mile a minute verbally and hope to God that some of the people out there understand you.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

We are each the star of our own situation comedy, and, with luck, the screwball friend in somebody else's.

I'd like to do more comedy, but i think my forte is still in the heavy. I'd love to do a comic lead, a musical.

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

This is funny because I just had a job over the summer for VH1, a project I did called Strange Frequency where I got to play a Goth rock band singer.

Mothers are the most instinctive philosophers.

I've got a lot of nervous energy and I trip a lot. I don't have a good equilibrium. In the places where the physical comedy was necessary, it came very naturally and it was fun.

Americans think the only funny Brits are John Cleese, Benny Hill and whoever makes our toothpaste. They're not laughing with us, they are laughing at us.

He would have scored a touchdown if he hadn't been tackled right there.

A tragedy can never suffer by delay: a comedy may, because the allusions or the manners represented in it maybe temporary.

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world

Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.

People will remember a good comedy song a lot longer than they would some of the so-called straight love songs.

Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn't impress me at all.

Every day is a surprise. There are confirmations of an interconnectivity and synchronicity which inspire, titillate and confirm the inherent comedy of the universe.

How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?

To love the right person is a comedy. To love the wrong person is a tragedy.