Comedy Quotes
The male image has been so pulled down by situation comedy in the last 15 years, it is frightening. I don't like what has happened to the American male.
Speed is scarcely the noblest virtue of graphic composition, but it has its curious rewards. There is a sense of getting somewhere fast, which satisfies a native American urge.
Funny, that no matter where you are in the world, there's always someone eager to help you destroy yourself.
It's funny, I worked with a lot of directors in the many years that I've been doing this, and generally when you hear a director yelling on set, everybody scatters in the other direction.
I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys
I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'
One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.
My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.
Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.
The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.
Standing in the corridor was a large plastic bin on wheels. He looked inside. Empty tins of dog food. That explained the spaghetti with meat sauce. Oh well, he'd eaten worse.
Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.
She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list.
If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.
You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!
My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.
Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing.
Hackers are nerdy, pasty, tubby, little geeks with triple thick glasses and this is probably a demented otaku with smelly feet. So catching him will be a breeze!
I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
The only thing I would unequivocally say is that I have never had any interest in romantic comedy I just couldn't do it. I think I'd be terrible.
So far, at least, I haven't found a way to tell my kind of stories without making them both sad and funny.
I'm not a very serious person. You know how they say that clowns are very funny in public and are really sad at home? I'm really kind of stupid at home and more serious in public.
Zen cuts straight through the Quidditch match in progress and almost gets taken down by a Beater hurling a Nerf quaffle right at his machopartes.