Comedy Quotes
I love John Irving's stuff. It's that marriage of comedy and tragedy. It's really terrific.
She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.
The space and light up there in Norfolk is wonderfully peaceful. I find myself doing funny things like gardening, and cooking, which I rarely do in London.
In comedy laughter settles all arguments.
Kyo Sohma: angrily pointing at Yuki Just like I'll beat you one of these days Yuki: looking bored Wait wait I think I've heard this one before
I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.
We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell.
Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with.
I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are.
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.
I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.
People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
I love the sad songs with their maudlin, self-deprecating, almost funny lyrics. As an Englishman, they make a lot of sense.
Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.
she committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'.
Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless
You cannot control faeries. Can. Not. They aren't logical or rational. They don't obey the same laws (physical, social, emotional, traffic - you name it) that we do.
What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!
I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.
I claim neither liberalism nor conservatism - one tends to be airheaded while the other tends to be brickheaded.
Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton.
I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.
I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!
This is my chance to get out there and appease the fans of my music as well as show people that I do do standup comedy because a lot of people don't know that's where I started.
There's something funny about being on a big stage and not making a big effort to fill it up.
I like to play characters that get to do it all - to have a bit of comedy here and a bit of pathos here and a bit of suspense here, that's what's fun.
I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy.
I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work.
What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.