Comedy Quotes

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

People who do comedy are always underrated because they make it look so easy.

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of. What they don't want.

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

I would sooner read a timetable or a catalog than nothing at all.

I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

If you’ve got the comedy eye, you can look at any situation and see the humor in it while others don’t.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.

They call me, The Sharkalator

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

We do nods to Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible because they are popular with our fan base.

You can make a sordid thing sound like a brilliant drawing-room comedy. Probably a fear we have of facing up to the real issues. Could you say we were guilty of Noel Cowardice?

Women comedy is different than men comedy. Guy comedy is very aggressive, it's about insulting each other, name-calling, and kind of busting each other's chops, and that's not what women's comedy is.

You put out a funny podcast, you talk about bak chor mee. I will say mee siam mai hum.

It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.

The older I've gotten, the more the need to exert comedy no matter how tragic a character I may be portraying because they are essentials for presenting truth.

When Kubrick decided to go the black comedy route with his movie, he thought of me to give it that flavor.

As a member of an escorted tour, you don't even have to know the Matterhorn isn't a tuba.

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

What doesn't kill you makes you smaller

There's nothing worse than being an aging young person.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

When I was a kid, I read comics. But when I saw how funny it was, and how wonderfully absurd, I said, "You know, I gotta do this."

It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?

You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child.

If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.

It's so funny looking back, but my so-called overnight success actually took 15 years. I remember when I didn't have any money, and my only car was mom's Hyundai.

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy.

Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers - six if one went to Harvard.

You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The life of every individual is really always a tragedy, but gone through in detail, it has the character of a comedy.

Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.

One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley.

People from different cultures have different definitions for beauty. Isn't that sad to judge others with our standards... rather than appreciate them?

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

There's sketch, improv, writing, acting, music, and badminton. Those are the seven forms of comedy.

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.