Comedy Quotes
It's funny now how much we look at - whatever you want to call it: art, design, culture stuff, film - online, and how in the online world, you're instantly global.
It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.
It's a funny thing: You want so badly for people to see what you do - you're proud of it - and I like the effect that movies have on people. But the attention can also make me uncomfortable.
She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.
Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.
Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.
I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.
Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
The thought of being with Shay Wilder makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife
That really was NOT fun, though. Well, the hitting-her-with-a-stick part, that was fun. But crashing into a concrete bear? NOT fun.
STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE
Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch?
You couldn't be romantic if your life depended on it." "You know what's lucky? Most bad guys don't ask you to be romantic on command, so that probably won't matter.
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.
And who are you supposed to be? the King of snot-nosed delinquents?
Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!
Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders.
I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of an actor thing, just committing to whatever the thing is.
Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.
Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?
I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.
They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?
Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. "Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let'em go. If they don't come back, hunt'em down and kill'em!
Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.
Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
Just another part of that Spartan killer instinct. I can slay the ladies just as well as I can reapers.
Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.
Dont talk to the crazy kids. I longed to shout back that we weren't crazy. I'd mistaken her kid for a ghost, that's all.
I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
She had put on make-up in a colour scheme that indicated she might be colourblind.
Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.
She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.
My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.
It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it.
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less!
And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!
