Comedy Quotes
Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.
She had put on make-up in a colour scheme that indicated she might be colourblind.
Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.
Dont talk to the crazy kids. I longed to shout back that we weren't crazy. I'd mistaken her kid for a ghost, that's all.
Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.
Just another part of that Spartan killer instinct. I can slay the ladies just as well as I can reapers.
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.
Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. "Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let'em go. If they don't come back, hunt'em down and kill'em!
They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?
I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.
Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?
Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.
I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of an actor thing, just committing to whatever the thing is.
Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders.
Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!
And who are you supposed to be? the King of snot-nosed delinquents?
What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.
You couldn't be romantic if your life depended on it." "You know what's lucky? Most bad guys don't ask you to be romantic on command, so that probably won't matter.
Let me get this straight. I can't take the vampire with me because if I remove the stake, he can kill us all. Now I can't take the girl because she's what? some kind of ninja witch?
STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE
That really was NOT fun, though. Well, the hitting-her-with-a-stick part, that was fun. But crashing into a concrete bear? NOT fun.
The thought of being with Shay Wilder makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife
Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.
Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.
People keep asking "Jacob or Edward?" when the really important question is "Diamond Dave or Sammy?
When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.
Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.
You know, there are just some things you never expect to face even on this job. A flying primate that shoots fire out its nose is one of them.
A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'
I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me.
Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids.
I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.
If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.
