Comedy Quotes

Funny is a good foil. Humor is illuminating, and it also gives you power.

I think all good drama is funny. All the best drama is ultimately very funny. Life is funny. You can't have any honest treatise on life without bumping into some humor.

I don't have a master. I'm not sure if I have an equal.

I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

People keep asking "Jacob or Edward?" when the really important question is "Diamond Dave or Sammy?

If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?

When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.

Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.

You know, there are just some things you never expect to face even on this job. A flying primate that shoots fire out its nose is one of them.

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.

That's so cute! They have birdbaths in the church!

If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works.

My tiny scary friend is coming

I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.

Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids.

I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me.

We may not be all that bright, Jace said, but at least we are alive.

When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud.

I want a baby of my very own one day, but it seems that my being male is a BIIIIT of a problem.

Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.

Shouts of dismay rose as the red flesh splattered against the table. It was only a tomato, but one would think I was pulping a decaying heart by the noise the big, strong FIB officers were making.

A lot of stand-up comedy guys, when they get a little famous, just give up their stand-up career, and it cancels out the thing that set them apart.

So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work.

We must, we must, we must increase our bust.

Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME!

Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly.

After graduation, I was floundering in L.A., doing stand-up comedy and working in a shoe store in the Valley.

New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly.

Instead of putting flowers in books to flatten them you can use a brick.

(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.

My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.

You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!

Great minds think alike-especially when they are female.

He's quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].

Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment.

I've always been led to believe that the ultimate goal for an author is the movie deal. Now I understand that the movie deal is merely a MEANS TO A MUCH HIGHER END: NAIL POLISH.

I lied. I do that, you know, when it suits me. I would have thought you'd realized that by now.

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

The funny thing is, the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She's awesome.

Jev stroked his chin. "Do I look like a summer fling?

It was because a great-looking man with no apparent mental defects found her attractive. Imagine feeling so buoyant over something so juvenile.

It was unbelievable. She was standing there, staring at him like he was a real rock star.

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.

Finding the book was like kissing a lightning bolt.

I don't happen to have a sense of humor personally, so I don't know what's funny about a character... This happens to be a feature of my life generally.

The thing about For Better or Worse is the only thing that made me an okay director for that is that I have a sense of humor, and it was supposed to be funny.