Comedy Quotes

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it's just wonderful.

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Do unto others, then run

The problem with comedy audiences - it's like the Coliseum - when they see someone struggling, they don't feel altruistic towards them. They feel slightly repulsed by it.

Living with computers gives funny ideas.

What is it like to be a bat? What is it like for a bat to be a bat?

He listens well who takes notes.

All comedy comes from a dark place.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

I smash guitars because I like them.

It's really funny, because if you make up words, then people project their own meanings onto it, which I find interesting.

This hiatus coming up I'm looking at a comedy because I need the balance.

I used to think it was clever to confuse comedy with tragedy. Now I wish I could distinguish them.

Life is a mixing of all kind of things: comedy and tragedy going together.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous.

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

Like comedy, horror has an ability to provoke thought and further the conversation on real social issues in a very powerful way.

Comedy is much more difficult than tragedy-and a much better training, I think. It's much easier to make people cry than to make them laugh.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

I'm really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.

I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

It's funny that it all becomes about clothes. It's bizarre. You work your butt off and then you win an award and it's all about your dress. You can't get away from it.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

If you elect a matinee idol mayor, you're going to have a musical comedy administration.

Think about yourself at least once in your life otherwise you may miss the best comedy in this world.

Regardless of how funny I want to be, I don't ever have a problem speaking from my heart or speaking honestly to people.

It is funny you know, you spend 12 years of your life learning about things and about life, but they never really tell you how hard life really is.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

With comedy I can search for the profound.

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

Funny is funny. And if it's good, it travels.

There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me.

I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?

Dying's tough - but not as tough as comedy.

As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.