Comedy Quotes

When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

Its so funny whenever things come full circle.

Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, but I shall say what is true.

I don't devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

This is getting funny, but there ain't nobody laughing.

Basketballs dont hold grudges!

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.

Comedy born of bewilderment is the only comedy that should be in magic.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

I would rather be funny than gorgeous, absolutely. Because it's too hard to be gorgeous, you know. I could make a stab at gorgeous as long as I had something funny to say to get out of it.

Reviewers said Ghost Country was rich, astonishing and affecting in the way it blended comedy, magic, and a gritty urban realism in a breathtaking ride along Chicago's mean streets.

The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

The image of a person completely covered in cotton candy made me laugh the most. I'm not sure why. To me, being tarred and feathered in sugar is just good comedy.

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

I think it's kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that's stealing. Wow talk about ironic.

What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music.

It's a required part of your film history to know who Woody is. His movies are so wonderful, and not just funny but so insightful about human behavior.

Anyone who is funny and doesn't take herself to seriously is attractive to me

I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.

I know you can be funny without being filthy.

The more trouble you get a man into, the more comedy you get out of him.

You can tell a lot about a man from his hands. If they don't have any scars or calluses on them, you might as well assume they cry at romantic comedy films, too.

The funny thing is that I feel close to all my characters. Deep, deep inside them all. I can't describe how deeply I love them all.

But our comedies never endured long without a tragedy.

I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I nor the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom.

Disappointment is an endless wellspring of comedy inspiration.

Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.

Oh, I'm good. Seriously, after all these years, you'd think I would stop amazing myself. But here I am, still doing it.

OKAY. So I was going to the library every Saturday. So what? So what? It's not like I was reading books or anything.

Sin and grace, absence and presence, tragedy and comedy, they divide the world between them and where they meet head on, the Gospel happens.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

It's funny how many people will come to Vegas to see your show where they might not come out to see you unless you come to their hometown.

Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss.

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.