Fart Quotes

Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven't gotten their place yet at all.

I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance.

There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.

I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.

A fart is just your arse applauding.

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind

The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

In many ways, Eulah-Beulah prepared me for literary criticism. After having a two-hundred-pound babysitter fart on your face and yell Pow!, The Village Voice holds few terrors.

Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

A fart in the face is love.

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

You never want to look like an old fart doing young rap music.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

It's become absolutely horrible the way the people with the money decide they can fart in the kitchen.

I wonder why no one called the police about the rocket launcher? God knows my neighbors usually report it if I so much as fart in my backyard. (Bubba)

Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this.

Have you been sniffing fairy farts?

Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word 'fart' makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there's nothing funnier.

Confucius once said that a bear could not fart at the North Pole without causing a big wind in Chicago.

Some people get lots of pleasure; From books or from music or art; But boys seem to think it's fantastic; To just have a really good fart.

Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.

I play around with my Japanese Garden. Since Im half way to 70 today I need to start pruning trees and sharpening plants like an old fart.

Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in.

Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us?

If I want to keep working as an actor, I'm going to become a comedian who does fart jokes.

He that lives upon hope will die farting.

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.Come let us fart in the home.There is no art in a fart.Still a fart may not be artless.Let us fart and artless fart in the home.

Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters!

An employer’s fart is music to his employees’ ears.

I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.“Nope, ” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

There's a place for farts, and there's a place for sharts.

The notion of "cause and effect" is sometimes useful in real life, and it can even be interesting in art, but I'm more interested in "cause and cause" or "effect and effect" or "and and and".