Fathers Quotes

My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.

No matter what Dad was always there with solid words of advice . . . "Go ask your mother."

Father reading report card: One thing in your favor - with these grades you couldn't possibly be cheating.

Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.

No matter how old a mother is she still watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

There are three books my daughter felt were the most important influences in her life: the Bible her mother's cookbook and her father's checkbook.

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother.

Dad named his first ulcer after me.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children now I have six children and no theories.

There's no such thing as a nonworking mother.

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

The monsters are gone.""Really?" Doubtful."I killed the monsters. That's what fathers do.

Unlike Saudi Arabia, Russia, and China, the United States was created by an enlightened band of Founding Fathers with a global vision for the new republic.

In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons.