Funniest Quotes

Funniest Quote of the day

Because there are no fours.

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

We talkin' about practice?

[My] career was sputtering until [I] did a 360 and got headed in the right direction.

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Fade into Bolivian, I guess.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle.

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.