Funny Guy Quotes

Funny Guy Quote of the day

A girl should have two things: a smile, and a guy who inspires it.

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

I moved to New York to do theater, and I got cast in a play that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. I did a movie that was funny, and then I was the funny guy.

I don't really necessarily think I'm a funny guy, but I like the opportunity to take on something that I don't feel I'm the best at doing.

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

Some guys said 'Here's bop!' Wham! They said, 'Here's something we can make money on!' Wham! 'Here's a comedian!' Wham! Here's a guy who talks funny talk!'

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

That's the funniest thing about portraying certain things on screen, sitting next to your parents and they get to see this glimpse of me kissing another guy.

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.

That's the way Stravinsky was. Bup, bup, bup, bup. The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato.

One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.

I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work.

Never trust a guy who plucks his eyebrows.

Judd Apatow, Conan O'Brien ... taking what you think is funny, and then adding another layer to it. That's kind of my sensibility. Those are the guys that make me laugh.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

For a Catholic kid in parochial school, the only way to survive the beatings - by classmates, not the nuns - was to be the funny guy.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

The trouble is the kind of guy I want to go out with doesn't even exist... Like a rugged, chain-smoking, intellectual, adventurer guy who's really serious, but also really funny and mean.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?'

I want to do drama - no one really sees that. People just think I'm the funny guy and I can't do anything else, and that's just not true.

I'm not a broad comedy guy. I've been funny in movies, but I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who's sometimes funny.

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

I had to audition for the part of Jnior, and I wanted the role terribly because I knew it was a great character. This guy is a wonderful, funny, mean old guy.

My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better.

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother.

One of the many things I want to do is dig us out of that hole so that guys, in particular, can go: "Oh, yeah. Those people are really funny. I've seen that person. It's a woman. They are funny."

You've got to have a likeability factor, I think, in your comedy characters. If the guy's really, really funny but you just don't like him or her, then you're never going to root for them.

Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.

Steve Rannazzisi, Nick Kroll, Paul Scheer, Jon Lajoie - and they're such funny guys that they bring their own sort of twist to it all.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.