Funny Inspirational Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quote of the day

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.

If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.

We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn't matter. But work is third.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop

In order to be a realist, you must believe in miracles.

Better to live a day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Traveling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, 'I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.

People have to follow their hearts, and if their hearts lead them to Wal-Mart, so be it.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

Good things come to those who wait.

Pressure is something you feel when you do not know what you are doing.

Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.

All things come to those who wait.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

Adversity, if you allow it to, will fortify you and make you the best you can be.

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.