Funny Jokes Quotes
Funny Jokes Quote of the day
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.
I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.
![Funny Jokes Quotes: "At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call."](https://www.quoteslyfe.com/images/collection3/quotations595/At-the-time-it-was-a-really-595239.jpg)
At the time, it was a really funny joke [Fluffy] and I went back and forth with going against the joke or embrace it. I decided to embrace it and now we're talking about it, so it was a good call.
Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier.
I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.
I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can make every joke very funny. He would always come up with jokes on the loudspeaker on the bus.
Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, "Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking."
I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.
The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny.
I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.
I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once, but now he belongs to the dead.
Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke.
Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.
I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
When people come in to act on the show, we say, "Just be extremely dry and not funny. Let the idea be the joke." That holds true through a lot of our stuff.
As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny.
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.
... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.
I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all.
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.
Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.
What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.
Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.
Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
