Funny Life Quotes

I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!

Wise is the fool who becomes a master at laughter.

It's funny how the ugly duckling always has so many beautiful things to teach us.

When life gives you lemons ask it for sugar and water too. Otherwise your final product would be some acidic lemon juice!

Life is a circle. It spins you around.

Repetition will be repeated

Nobody knows what is life and still alive

Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.

All lines are gray in the dark.

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.

When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life.

Nothing is worth having if it isn't worth showing off…

How is it that food STILL contains calories that make you gain weight in the 21st CENTURY?! It’s like scientists aren’t even trying!

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure.

I’m a fake fact factory. The things I make are the things I make up. Also, as a side business, I make love. Actually, I just made that up.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.

I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.

I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead

I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally.

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle, but the best day of yours was when you taught someone else.

I had a dream about you last night.. You were playing with chicken livers and told me everyone was in quarantine.

I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time.

We losers don't fear death. For us it's the end of a lifelong losing spell.

Don't worry if you've been labeled as weird. Who wants to be classed as normal in an insane world?

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen.

We tend to get a little information before we off people. It’s not a play by ear sort of deal.

That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it

I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn.

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear.

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them.

I had a dream about you last night... you were there.

I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it.

I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting.

I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive.

I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's.

I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.

I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater.

I had a dream about you last night. We went to the store cupboard to make out, but we ended up sharing our pain and then crying together. We wasn't prepared for this level of intimacy.

I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream.

I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan.

I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink.