Funny Marriage Quotes

Equal partnerships are not made in heaven-they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

Tomorrow, Trubshawe, I am going to get married again, thereby quite possibly making the greatest mistake of my life.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

One's fantasy goes for a walk and returns with a bride.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child.

The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!

I was married once before, and I stopped.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.

If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman.

True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.

I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful.

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find next morning that it was someone else.

I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.

Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone.

Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn't be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he's the person I want to strain with.

I have trouble saying hu ... hu ... husband.

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.