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Funny People Quotes

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Funny People Quotes: "The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.



Funny People Quotes: "I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch."

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.




Funny People Quotes: "Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people."

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.



Funny People Quotes: "An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.




Funny People Quotes: "Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.



Funny People Quotes: "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.



Funny People Quotes: "I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with."

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.




Funny People Quotes: "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward."

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.



Funny People Quotes: "If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people."

If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.



Funny People Quotes: "People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'"

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'



Funny People Quotes: "Sure, I have advice for people starting to write. Don't. I don't need the competition."

Sure, I have advice for people starting to write. Don't. I don't need the competition.



Funny People Quotes: "I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!




Funny People Quotes: "I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'."

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.



Funny People Quotes: "People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?"

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?



Funny People Quotes: "I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people."

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.



Funny People Quotes: "When I got my first TV set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships with other people."

When I got my first TV set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships with other people.



Funny People Quotes: "I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet."

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.



Funny People Quotes: "I have caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs."

I have caught more ills from people sneezing over me and giving me virus infections than from kissing dogs.



Funny People Quotes: "The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying, "The trouble with this country is....""

The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying, "The trouble with this country is...."



Funny People Quotes: "Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits."

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.



Funny People Quotes: "Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel."

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.



Funny People Quotes: "If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?"

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?



Funny People Quotes: "If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny."

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.



Funny People Quotes: "Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair."

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.



Funny People Quotes: "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point."

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.



Funny People Quotes: "Most of the people I admire, they usually smell funny and don't get out much. It's true. Most of them are either dead or not feeling well."

Most of the people I admire, they usually smell funny and don't get out much. It's true. Most of them are either dead or not feeling well.



Funny People Quotes: ""Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people."

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.



Funny People Quotes: "'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read."

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.



Funny People Quotes: "Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly."

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.



Funny People Quotes: "People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty."

People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.



Funny People Quotes: "People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!"

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!



Funny People Quotes: "Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence."

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.



Funny People Quotes: "Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)."

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).



Funny People Quotes: "The things we laugh at are awful while they are going on, but get funny when we look back. And other people laugh because they've been through it too. The closest thing to humor is tragedy."

The things we laugh at are awful while they are going on, but get funny when we look back. And other people laugh because they've been through it too. The closest thing to humor is tragedy.



Funny People Quotes: "The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentists drill."

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentists drill.



Funny People Quotes: "It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money."

It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.



Funny People Quotes: "People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce."

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.



Funny People Quotes: "Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.



Funny People Quotes: "People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists."

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.



Funny People Quotes: "You know you must be doing something right if old people like you."

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.



Funny People Quotes: "I don't think about what other people expect or anything. I mean, I sit and worrying so much about what I'M thinking, I'd go NUTS if I sat around worrying about other people."

I don't think about what other people expect or anything. I mean, I sit and worrying so much about what I'M thinking, I'd go NUTS if I sat around worrying about other people.



Funny People Quotes: "I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people."

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.



Funny People Quotes: "I’m the youngest in my family and everyone is very funny, and I was always trying to keep up with them. I just loved making people laugh."

I’m the youngest in my family and everyone is very funny, and I was always trying to keep up with them. I just loved making people laugh.



Funny People Quotes: "You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny."

You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny.



Funny People Quotes: "When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows,' people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free.'"

When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows,' people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free.'



Funny People Quotes: "Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost."

Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.



Funny People Quotes: "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe.



Funny People Quotes: "Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there's plenty of ways to do that."

Seeing people get messed up never gets un-funny! And there's plenty of ways to do that.



Funny People Quotes: "Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?"

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?