Funny People Quotes

Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground and swish my tail - none of which is easy.

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'

One of these suburbs is actually named Stalingrad, which goes to show that the French have learned nothing about politics since they guillotined all the smart people in 1793.

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement.

With rap, it's a funny thing. You can say things, and people can take 'em the way they wanna take 'em.

South Central Los Angeles [is the] home of the drive-thru and the drive-by. Funny thing is, the drive-thrus are killing more people than the drive-bys.

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

I look crazy, but I'm not. And the funny thing is, that other people don't look crazy, but they are.

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.

I like people who love books and movies and art and want to talk about it all the time, because that's basically what I want to talk about. Intellectuals that are funny.

Billy Crystal knows how to make people laugh. He's got 30 years on stage... there's no telling him what's funny.

The people don't take baths and they don't speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it?

Most people I ask little from. I try to give them much, and expect nothing in return and I do very well in the bargain.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it.

It takes all sorts of people to make the underworld.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

People always say life is short. I've never been convinced of that - mine seems to have a tendency to go on and on.

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny.

People think it's funny when a dumb person can't do things the same way they can.

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.

If people only knew how much I secretly hated them, they'd love me for holding it in.

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you're a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is "looking for". Just say what you think is funny. .

There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake.

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

I had spent many years before I was 31 hearing people tell me, Oh Man, you're so funny, you need to be in television. But that and a quarter won't get you on a bus.

I miss New York. I still love how people talk to you on the street - just assault you and tell you what they think of your jacket.

Women are very funny. Some of the funniest people I can think of are women.

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

Who has connections to Connecticut? That's where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.

I agree that someone falling down is really funny, and I can go on YouTube and watch people falling. It makes me laugh.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

I am very picky about my people and my beer.

I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that I know how to make people laugh.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.