Funny Relationship Quotes

Funny Relationship Quote of the day

Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.

Presence is more than just being there.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him?

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

Men feel that women somehow drag them down, and women feel that way about men. It's possible that both are right.

I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

we love what we love and who we love who we love and why we love why we love and find a falling shoelace knotted and strung between the fingers of strangers

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

I strongly believe that love is the answer and that it can mend even the deepest unseen wounds. Love can heal, love can console, love can strengthen, and yes, love can make change.

Seek Not Every Quality In One Individual.

Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together.

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, 'You are wrong.' This method works every time.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

Sometimes two people stay together for the sake of the kids - two kids who sat under a full moon and pledged to be forever true.

The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.

Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings.

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

Even when I begin with a situation that's basically funny or sad, I like to keep poking around in it. I like to get into the middle of a relationship, to explore the subtle places.

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.

I believe marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman.

Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from.

Love, honor, and negotiate.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.

The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man

It was a perfect marrige. She didn't want to and he couldn't

It was the love of love, the love of swallows up all else, a grateful love, a love of natural, of people, of animals, a love ingengering gentleness and goodness that moved meand that I saw in you