Funny Relationship Quotes

Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.

I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

In L.A relationships don't last. You go on a vacation and break up by the time you come home. Thank God for one-hour photo, so you can see your vacation photos while you're still in the relationship.

The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life.

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.

Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.

The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.

You cant be a casual observer of something humorous - you have to engage, you have to find it funny for the relationship between actor and audience to work.

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

Is the diameter of your index finger equal to or greater than the diameter of a super absorbency tampon?

Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover so bad you'll think Satan himself took a dump on you. -Milo

A man who boasts he's the head of the home must never forget the woman is the knife at his throat.