Hilarious Quotes
because daytime leaves vampires less than, well, conscious, I told him, “Take your muffins to Boston and shut it, Terrance.” And then I hung up on him.
Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they’d seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet…
We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.
We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.
Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.
Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.
Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.
We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.
We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.
Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.
Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.
The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.
Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.
Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.
Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.
There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.
An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.
Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.
Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.
Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.
Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.
Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.
I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.
The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.
Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.
To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.
Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.
Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.
Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.
Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.
He shook his head in wonder. "You are magnificent.""I keep telling everyone that, " she said with a nonchalant shrug, "But you seem to be the only one to believe me.
Don't threaten me with a good time.
