Humor Humour Quotes
Cheer up everyone, " he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?
Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me. I dislike it and grow sulky under pincers.It’s a fault.
Let me go!" She tore off a mirror and brandished it in his face. "I mean it! I don't want to go to your godforsaken hellbarn, you retarded psycho farmer!
They desecrate Riora’s sacred temple! She will be enraged.”“Oh, gods, look at the marble. We are all beyond doomed.”“Somebody put a plant in front of it!
What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control."For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kil
Actually, I am a failed anorexic. I have anorexic thinking, but I can't seem to muster the behavoir
You can only fight one man at a time with a sword, but, with a pen, you can compose a lecture to bore legions of enemy troops to death.
Caw! Caw, Hartley, caw!"Chase narrowed his eyes again."Sam?"I nodded. Then crossed to the window again and called down to Sam. "You can quit squawking. He caught me.
If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contr
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
Did I say stab of Self Pity? No, I was trekking through the Swamp of Self Pity at this point, waist deep in my own stinking shit.
Did you just seriously quote Grease? I think I'm gonna have to revoke your man card.
I didn't feel strong. I felt like a big ball of wuss that wanted to curl up in my bed and never get out.
Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that?
As Samson demonstrated, going bald ruins lives.
Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.
When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts... er... keep it to yourself.
You cannot, it seems, let children run about the streets. People who have seen them running wild in Russia say that the sight is not a pleasant one.
What the hell are you doing here? You weren't on the guest list. Hell, you people aren't on anybody's guest list. If you turned up at a funeral, the corpse would walk out on you.
In fact the bare adjective "bad" hardly scratches the surface of the man's awesome incapacity.
Whew, ' he said, 'I'm glad that's over, Thomas. I've been feeling awfully bad about it.' It was only too evident that he no longer did.
...we've already had one horrible thing happen today, which means that if you think about it the odds of anything else horrible happening again in the next few hours should now be quite low.
I fought the mighty urge to watch her put it on. My libido had just burst out of the closet and was tripping over furniture yelling, "Who? What? Where?" (Please excuse him. He doesn't get out much)
It is a curiously moving experience, to hear 350 sailors uttering the words "Oh shit!" in eleven different languages.
She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.
The room looks as if a giant dog after a large lunch of food, socks, paints, trousers and pencils, walked into that room and vomited everywhere.
Monseigneur, I have killed you! You are dead! You are dead!"You display an unseemly joy, " he remarked. "I had no notion you were so bloodthirsty.
If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that "says something" about your personality, don't bother. You don't have a personality. A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality.
I swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able to let it out tomorrow
I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before then...
...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.
Nate shook his head with a crooked grin. "You haven't gone Back to the Future, McFly.
Nothing more likely, "said Hannasyde. "I've got to try and rattle him.""It's him that'll do the rattling, "said the Sergeant darkly. "he's the nearest thing to a snake I've seen outside of the Zoo.
Lucas took a tentative sip of his coffee. It tasted like an otter had pissed in a tea urn and it had been left to go stale over a prolonged period.
The worst case of discrimination can be witnessed in music. Imagine calling B 'sharp' in presence of D 'minor
One day we found them. They must of been holding a gook convention or something, cause it seem like the same sort of deal as when you step on a anthill and they all come swarming around.
Mr. Cupples came out of his reverie. "I think, " he said, "I will have milk and soda-water." "Speak lower!" urged Trent. "The head-waiter has a weak heart, and he might hear you.
Your ancient enemy is basically just a really, really big squirrel
You are soft person you said. But you're soft as shit: it is very soft but stinking!
Now, my sister has been called a lot of things:sweet, kind, a living Disney princess, but none of those things imply that she would ever date someone just for his money.
Civilization must be preserved, ' says he.'Civilization's doing fine, ' I said. 'We just don't happen to be where it is.
You haven't been fired, " Mary said with a sigh. "You always jump to the worst possible conclusion. Why on earth would you be getting f