Humorist Quotes

Humorist Quote of the day

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.

The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Valentine's Day" Because she never forgets, especially if you do.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Unsuccessful pick-up lines" 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!

Wisdom of the Ages: "Government" Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.

- You gave me a dead frog for my birthday!- To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found it thoughtful.

I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap’n Crunch and I’d have to take a nap.

I recommend you don't attend the wheat and chaff bonfire.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

To be reborned many times over, you must unleash the power of inertia. But must you go out every time and reach for your highest potential?

If you're too serious to make life a laughing matter, then you seriously need to make laughter matter to you today and every day!

A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Forgiveness" Steroids for the Soul.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Look out Below!" Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

Give a man a beer, the remote and a La-Z-Boy and he’s a happy camper! All Things Caveman humor cartoon book will help you understand that hairy guy beside you.

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don’t—whichever seems likelier to win an effect.

All I have is me, myself and I and we are all getting really tired of each other.

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?