Humorous Quotes
The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.
The manipulation of statistical formulas is no substitute for knowing what one is doing.
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.
The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
I'm not lazy. I'm just really gifted, only instead of being good at music or math I'm good at sleeping late.
A rainy day is like a lovely gift -- you can sleep late and not feel guilty.
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
If the Wright brother were alive today Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs.
It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds. . . that statistics come under the head of lying, and that no lie is so false or inconclusive as that which is based on statistics.
It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others.
I'm not a robot; I have a personality and I have emotions. I have a humorous side to me and an angry side to me.
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different.
They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
Remember this: The house doesn't beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself.
There is a tale...It tells of the days when a blight hung over our land. Nothing prospered. Nothing flourished. Not even zucchini would grow.
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?
First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.
#3 pencils and quadrille pads.(when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer )
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
