Humorous Quotes
How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?
#3 pencils and quadrille pads.(when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer )
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
Any one who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
When you fall asleep after a big lunch you're really just saving up energy to work off all the calories later on.
Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!
Part of the reason for the ugliness of adults, in a child's eyes, is that the child is usually looking upwards, and few faces are at their best when seen from below.
I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect.
When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at last able to leave Piss-Artists Notorious.
The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.
Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.
Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration of what God could do if He had more imagination.
Having plead guilty, I do not believe that I am any different than the vast majority of the members of Congress.
A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.
People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.
The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
Most people I ask little from. I try to give them much, and expect nothing in return and I do very well in the bargain.
"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur."