Humour Quotes
My mother taught me what it is to have a sense of humour; my dad, who was a headmaster, everything you need to know about hard work. My dad is the most decent man you could come across.
Sometimes strident, often tender, never afraid and seldom without humour, Desmond Tutu's voice will always be the voice of the voiceless.
He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
You know what the best thing is about the end of the day? Tomorrow, it starts all over again.
Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.
Mother, who has an absolute belief that it is not the cards that one is dealt in life, it is how one plays them, is, by far, the highest card I was dealt.
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
The Bible is such a gargantuan collection of conflicting values that anyone can prove anything from it.
It's vital to keep a sense of humour when the world seems to have suddenly become a very strange place.
I certainly don't see the humour in my work as something that detracts from its seriousness. It's just a way of making difficult messages more palatable.
And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before--and thus was the Empire forged.
If flatness were funny, a dinner plate would be hilarious.
Draco Malfoy is a bad boy!" squeaked Dobby angrily.
Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
I had done either too much coke or too little, a constant problem in my life.
Yes, I am here. And you are lucky to be here too after all the absurd things you've done since you left home.
The varying physical characteristics of the actors may also necessitate changes. Sean Connery is six feet four. Dustin Hoffman isn't.
Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class - Hope your surgery went well!
I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.
My secret to having a happy relationship is having a sense of humour and giving one another space: your own space.
In terms of love, you're not in control and I hate that feeling. I seem to write a lot of sad songs because I'm a very tragic person. But there's always an element of humour at the end.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.
Idiots emit bogons, causing machinery to malfunction in their presence. System administrators absorb bogons, letting machinery work again.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
I like men with quick wit, good conversation and a great sense of humour. I love banter. I want a man to like me for me - I want him to be authentic.
Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot.
Hypocrite: The man who murdered his parents, and then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.
War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can't smile, grin. If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.
There is no more thrilling sensation I know of than sailing. It comes as near to flying as man has got to yet - except in dreams.
Why do only the awful things become fads? I thought. Eye-rolling and Barbie and bread pudding. Why never chocolate cheesecake or thinking for yourself?
The brain can be a dangerous thing. Even more so if you haven't got one.
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.
An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.
My face hasn't matured as I've grown up, and neither has my sense of humour. In the mirror, I see an older version of myself as a child, although I do have more wrinkles and freckles.
That's part of our policy, is not to be taken seriously because I think our opposition, whoever they may be in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humour.
